You can almost feel the tension coming out of the homes of Year 12 students as we go skidding into HSC exams. For some families, supporting their kids through the HSC will mean tiptoeing through their own homes, not allowed to cough or sneeze. For other parents, their kids will be so laid back about the exams that this will only cause their parents more anxiety.

It's hard to know how best to support our kids at this stressful time, so we had a chat with some previous HSC students and their parents who were willing to share their advice and experiences about what was helpful during their HSC exams.

Jenny from Caringbah says, "I attended the information sessions held at school for both my sons and tried to adapt the handy tips given. Attending these sessions put everyone in the household 'on track'. It also helped to see the whole HSC experience with new eyes and not my 'old ones', having done the HSC circa 1978! First and foremost, I have always asked the boys how they would like me to support them through this final year of schooling."

Jenny's son says that the encouragement for regular 'downtime' between study times helped the most.

"I encouraged them to maintain their part-time work but limit hours per week, and strongly encouraged regular physical exercise (which is what my mother did with me when I did the HSC back in '78).

"During HSC preparation, we constantly reviewed the week's calendar together to see if the study load was manageable. The boys said this really helped them."

Jenny's final words of advice to parents: "Be there to encourage, be tuned in but don't take over. Keep life steady if at all possible and always be optimistic!"

Linden from Cronulla recalls the advice the principal at her daughter's school gave parents as their children entered the HSC year. "Make sure they don't have a job that takes too much time, don't give them the keys to the car and make sure that they don't have a significant other that is going to distract them.' I groaned loudly; my daughter had them all."

What Linden found was that her daughter managed very well juggling all these competing demands.

Linden pampered her daughter "with clothes, massages and facials to try and keep her happy" and got support from her friends at work for herself.

"I must say that one of the best supports for me during this time was my workplace where we bounced stuff around, cried, panicked, googled, printed and drank lots. It was great having other mums with kids at different schools going through the same angst."

Linden's daughter said that what really helped her was everyone else in the house leaving her alone, not pressuring her and giving her a very quiet home (Linden adds that they were not allowed to breathe too loudly).

Linden's final words of advice to parents: "If the kids are focused, great. Support them, don't pressure them, go with the flow; it's not the be all or end all."

Alexa from Bondi summarises her approach as, "lots of love, lots of hugs and lots of assurances that we'd be there for him no matter what the outcome."

She found that by exam time, "I really had to bite my tongue because this was my son's challenge to face, not mine. I didn't want to make him feel that if only I was doing the exams for him, or if he was doing them my way, he'd be assured of success because this simply wasn't true!

"To be honest, I think it's all about offering as calm and supportive an environment as you can. If you panic because they are panicking, it just creates more chaos and that's not good for them or the rest of the family.

"I guess I tried to have things at home ticking along as normally as could be expected. I tried to have regular home-cooked family meals and tried really hard - not always successfully, I might add - not to sweat the small things. Really, a messy room can stay messy during exam time.

"Sometimes doing something as simple as sharing a pot of tea and a bickie, or watching something light and entertaining on the telly together during downtime, really helped to alleviate some of the anxiety all round."

Alexa's husband, Frank, says sharing the emotional burden of the year was difficult and they really had to act as a partnership to make it work.

"My father was gravely ill that year so I needed to be around to support him as well as my sister and mother. And that meant travelling away from home a fair bit," said Frank.

"We were both really conscious that we needed to be as calm as possible and I think it's fair to say that we had to split the caring duties between us, with my wife focusing on what was happening at home while I did what I could for my family interstate."

As for Callum, he says the best thing parents can do for their kids is to always be ready with a listening ear and to find a way to get them out of the house from time to time to clear their heads. "I found that even just going around the block for a walk helped me to calm down a bit."

Rene from Menai, Allan from Prestons and Ruth from Penshurst also offered these additional tips for parents:

• When they are studying, provide something to eat or drink without being asked. During exams make sure they have a sufficient breakfast and a good night's sleep.

• Each parent can alternate time off work to provide support including pick up after exams or preparing breakfast or a meal prior to leaving for an exam. Being around to talk to makes a lot of difference. 

• After each exam, avoid asking questions like "how did you go?" or "do you think you passed?"

• Try not to start taking over when providing review assistance at home. Kids will remember things easily if their mind is not cluttered with unnecessary tips and do's and don'ts.

• Keep the house clutter-free and noise at lower than usual level during the review period.  

• If they feel stressed, talk to them and discuss options. If needed, suggest to get help from the school counsellor (because the counsellor is not related, they are more objective than us parents).

NSW HSC Online has some other ideas for parents.

Hints for managing exam stress can be found at the Public schools website and Reachout website.

Click on the Add comments button below to share your experiences of supporting your child through the HSC.